I don’t remember the last time I told someone I miss him/ her and actually meant it. Not because I don’t care or don’t miss the person for real, but because I actually forbid myself to do so. Interesting right? I accidentally realized that I forbade myself to miss the few people that actually need to know they are being missed. What happened?
Only few people will disagree with this one: There is nothing more comforting and heart-warming than knowing that the person you miss misses you too. It keeps this special connection or bond between you and makes things easier when you get the impression of getting lost in the rollercoasters of your life. You get reassured by the fact that you are still alive in someone’s mind, that you do matter to someone and that you are not alone. I reconnected with my bestie a couple of days ago and we talked like we never got separated. It was beautiful. Once again I confirmed to myself that loneliness is just an illusion after all.
Now wait…Does it mean we create it by ourselves? Yes we do to somehow. We end up creating it by ourselves, thinking it is a sign of strength to deliberately refuse to miss someone, to miss something. And ironically lots of us will tend to associate the act of missing someone with pain, while actually it’s neither painful nor joyful. This painful or joyful experience is built upon our first exposure to missing someone or something. How did you feel when you were having this feeling for the first time? Did someone respond to your feeling? Did you get ignored ? Or on the contrary did you get surrounded when you expressed this feeling ? Did you feel safe ? If not, were you reassured or not when you expressed this feeling?
It is all so deeply interconnected. I realized that in my case most of the time it was just ignored. And I am not an exception. I came to believe that every time I miss someone I must ignore it as a sign of strength, I must ignore it not to look weak or not to become one. So I grew up stuffing this natural feeling somewhere in my subconscious instead of letting it flow. I labeled this simple and human feeling as ‘’neediness’’. A bit too negative right? 🙂
The day I gave a thought about this topic, I paused and allowed myself to miss a couple of people that mean a lot to me. And it hurt like hell at the start. Why? Because again I noticed that I have been actually missing the wrong people most of the time. When things are not mutual they hurt. But when they are, everything becomes flowy and beautiful. I checked in my head whether some of the people that I missed have to be missed. A cleansing process started and I am gradually only keeping those ones who will turn this »missing » experience into a happy and empowering feeling.
In our busy world only those who are truly connected with you can sometimes interact with you without words. I sent a text to some of them: ‘’ I miss you’’. I felt much better this time. Why? I expressed it to the right people, to the »ones ».
Are you missing someone you can allow yourself to miss today ? Tell them that 🙂
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