Psychopaths … It is very hard to resume this word into a couple of sentences so I highly suggest for all single people as well as those who are not and feel something is really being fishy in their relationship to research the topic and read the following article. 

If I could pick up one single sentence to sum it up, I would say it is someone who lacks empathy, someone who doesn’t care and doesn’t have the capability to feel the other person. They are not necessarily physically harming the society but could have damaging effects on their surroundings and are very heavy to deal with. 

My advice right from the start: cut it off. If the psychopath happens to be a member of your family, any direct contact should be reduced to the strict minimum (unless you are a masochist and you enjoy suffering and adding additional pressure to yourself).

Now let’s gradually dive into it by talking a bit about relationships. Generally speaking it is the guy who makes the biggest move towards starting a relationship, even though the opposite also exists. Hence psychopathy is not only  limited to men but also to women. 

Here are a couple of signs you are dealing with a psychopath and should run for your life (yes you just read it-  run for your pretty life). You don’t wanna waste  your precious life stressing out and gradually turning your it into hell just because you didn’t have the courage to love yourself enough, which means trusting your guts and not ignoring the discomfort that this or that person makes you go through. You don’t want this ‘’I can handle it’’, ‘’he/she will change’’, ‘’I have to be patient’’ spoil the best years of your life right. 

Ok I am getting back to our onions. Within a relationship:  

  1. They move things too quickly.  »Mmm and ? … Too vague » you will say,  ‘’I know couples who are still together and they had this instant spark’’ will say someone else.  I will  tell you I agree. However…as far as  BOTH  are MINDFULLY on the same tune and  comfortable with this it is ok. Then in many cases they are not healthy, which means there are some psychological problems that make this or that person attracted to the psychopath’s rythme but hey… I am diverging so again back to the main point. 

With a psychopath however ANY attempt to say things are moving to quickly will either fall on deaf ears (you can spend hours talking about it and then it’s like you didn’t xD)  OR turn against you. For a girl who will feel it is too soon to get married or to have kids and will say it to her psycho partner this will mean ending up feeling guilty  about not wanting to move with things quicker if she feels it is too speedy. She might even end up (thanks to her skillful psycho partner) believing that she is the one being easy and not serious since she is the one not willing to get married or to move quicker to another step. Notice one more things in these attempts to burn steps. ‘’I want to hear your voice’’, ‘’I want to speak with you’’, ‘’I want you to be healthy’’, ‘’I want you to do that’’,  »I want you to be my business partner »,  »I want to follow you wherever you will go »,  »I want you to be only mine » (seriously?…)

 Here are some examples (names are fictive for confidentiality) 

Andy meets Shaila . Andy is a married man but on the verge of divorce. Nothing special till now. Then out of a sudden Shaila starts getting around 5 to 10 calls a day. Friendly call who turn into  »I love you » calls with more or less the same topic. Like a drilling process. You know… the ‘fake it till you make it’ approach. 

Andy falls madly in love and starts talking about marriage, presenting her to his parents, building plans. Andy and Shaila met a couple of weeks/ months ago… 

Now Shaila has a life too (her job, her hobby, a couple of goals etc…) Soon Shaila starts feeling her goals are turning into challenges since  she is  constantly getting into the  self-guilt  circle for not texting Andy as much as he texts her and for not projecting herself as much as he does. ‘’Damn we met so recently and he loves me so much already? Why don’t I feel the same so quickly. I always dreamed of someone who would take me seriously. And now that I met a guy willing to marry me I am hesitating. He even talked about me to his parents. He says I can ask for anything. He even offered to help financially. I am the bad one… Girl … now ok he wants to date/ marry ( depends on which stage you are with the dude) but … a normal guy would ask you if YOU want to marry him. It’s not ‘’I’’ want to marry you. Has he asked you what ‘’YOU’’ want ? ^^ You don’t live in the 19th century and you are a pretty free woman who have the full right to impose the respect of …your own rythme xD

Small note on finances:  Money and business-related help can be a huge factor and a tool for manipulation and it is usually a …trap. So if you are still on the way to reach your financial independence do not even think of relying  on a psycho guy who instead of helping you to either get financially independent or (or to rebound a difficult situation like for example the loss of a job) offers you to join his business or starts playing with words when you tell him that you need financially help. Watch until you actually  really need to borrow money and/ or will finally ask for the help you have been refusing until now either out of pride or because you genuinely thought things will get solved without external help and watch the big surprise xD.  

So he doesn’t respect your rythme. Sign number 1. This can be misleading but… Check the second sign: 

2)He doesn’t care: 

Psychopaths are excellent listeners. At some point you will end up spending HOURS talking, chatting with him and will realize he knows almost every inch of your life now xD They let you speak. Awesome. Cool. Partners should have this trust. In a woman’s case it is particularly important. We need to express ourselves, we need to speak it out. It is our nature. The more you speak the more a psychopath is able to study you and pick up the right words to … hook you ^^. 

Example of how a psychopath can manipulate his girl through sex: 

A guy is dating a girl. Over the course of the conversation the girl expresses the importance of sexually committing to one partner and not to be too bashful with this. Ok fine sounds like a point healthy of view.  ‘’ Please don’t be Westernized.’’ says the psycho. At some point, both partners feel mutual attraction and make love to each other. Lovely, beautiful especially at the beginning of the relationship. The next day the guy sends plenty of texts apologizing for his act, assures that they are getting married (notice he still didn’t ask the girl’s opinion. Does SHE want to get married to him and does she want to move that quickly?). Very soon, the girl becomes ‘’ My Shaila’’. Sentences like ‘’ I love you because you are mine’’, ‘’I don’t want you to catch cold’’ + ‘’because I don’t want ‘’my’’ pie to get hurt.’’ The possessor vocabulary is popping out ahaa. 

To resume this first part you got the following symptoms which are more or less chronological: 

1)He burns steps

2)He doesn’t seem to hear you when you complain that he is burning steps

3)He is a good listener. He will scan and study you to then attack mentally and why not through the body. Men and women are biologically different and because sex is a taboo in many societies,  to many women sex can turn into a huge source of manipulation for a psychopath. He will play on self-induced shame, self-guilt, self-punishment etc. This is a very huge topic that is just a sum up I repeat. 

4)J He DOESN’T care whether it is comfortable for you or not. Forget about reminding him every time that you don’t like it when he uses possessive vocabulary, when he drills the same word. This is a sort of  long-term hypnose. If you keep telling a person she is stupid, even if she doesn’t like, she will end up believing it… unless that person decides to cut the person saying it off. 

To be continued with more symptoms your partner is a psychopath. Share your thoughts about it  🙂 And meanwhile let’s work on our self-worth, mindfulness, self-trust and awareness my lovely Ladies and Gentlemen. 

With love, 

Diana 

 

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